I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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