There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
