My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
