you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
