So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
