I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
