he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize