im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
