I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
