i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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