you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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