Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
