I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
