It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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