Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
