i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
