things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
