2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
