So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize