pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
