There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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