I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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