dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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