worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
