Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
