I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
