Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have demons in me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
