whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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