I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
