Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
God, I missed his penis.
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