You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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