His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
