she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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