Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
