Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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