stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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