I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
