69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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