I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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