i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
