I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
