everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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