I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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