my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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