I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
