just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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