I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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