Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think i have two assholes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
