please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
