So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
