how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
