i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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