we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
