I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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