um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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