i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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