i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
