never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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