you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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