is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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