I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize