dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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