I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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