Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
