My first STD was from a foam party
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
