Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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