he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
