Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dear god my vagina.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
