All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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