If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
