this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
