the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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