Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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