I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
