the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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