...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
