is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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