OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
