Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
