hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
