I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
