That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
