I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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